Jasmine Hart

Hmmm...let me see...the first line is good, I love the alliteration of "teem and tangle". I've read this about four times now trying to think of something useful to say. ...

I just lost my critique cos the stupid computer froze! I've moved pcs now... I'd try "the" before "shadow-ways@, which is a lovely phrase. I love "discarded bottle-caps". The fourth ...

I love the rhythm of this, it really sweeps you away. The rhyme is very effective and you have some great imagery. The tone suits it perfectly. I'll just go ...

Hey Kit. : ) This is beautifully written. I love the tone and the imagery. You build suspense well, and the characters are well drawn. I'm not sure about how ...

Your imagery is really beautiful, especially "Moonlight dances in the water, while midnight makes its approach". I love the sibilance of; "Serene streams trickle slowly", it fits in beautifully with ...

This gave me shivers up my spine and at the base of my neck...I can't quite explain it, but I figured I'd share it with you anyway! Your imagery and ...

This is a beautiful, moving poem. The tone is great and it flows well. My only suggestion is that you add "that" before each of the "he will" s. Was ...

This is a nice fun poem.The tone is great throughout. I really love; "Bouncy-bouncy everywhere." and "I will look like “weird al” Yankovic. Earrings get caught, so hard to maintain. ...

This flows beautifully and teh enjambment builds momentum effectively. The sense of purpose is strong. I love; "I burned myself into its crust " and "Itchy and crusted black with ...

Your imagery is beautiful, and the theme is interesting. I love the first stanza. It flows well, and I love "born from the middle month." I think the layout could ...

I love the metaphor, and, as always, you express yourself beautifully. I really loved; "careening too close to the shoulder, caressing my navel", and "I balance on the curb – ...

This is really lovely Kit. It's so lyrical, and flows beautifully. I love the theme. For some reason it feels different to your other poetry...more mature or poetic or something...neither ...

It flows well, but it seemed more like a pre or post-piece to me. The concept is interesting, but I think you'd be better able to engage the reader if ...

This is a powerful and effective piece. The beginning is very good, as it flows well. It sounds like you're ticking the different things off on your fingers, and the ...

Hi Jessi. Welcome to YWS. This is a nice straight-forward poem. The rhythm is, for the most part, good, but I'd try reading it aloud just so you can get ...